Episode 124: Power Gap #1: Not Recognizing Your Special Talents and Abilities

Thank you for listening to our Finding Brave show, ranked in the Top 100 Apple Podcasts in Careers!

“Know that you are amazing. Every individual on the planet is, and the world needs your talents and your abilities desperately. Can you trust and accept that fact, that you are special and you are unique, and now is the time to recognize that clearly?” – Kathy Caprino 

I’m very excited to be sharing over the next seven weeks vitally important key career growth strategies, solutions, tips and inspiring real-life stories from my new book, The Most Powerful You: 7 Bravery-Boosting Paths to Career Bliss, that’s publishing July 28th in the US and August 1st in Australia and New Zealand (and in the UK on January 1)!

The book explores what my research over the past 10 years working with thousands of women around the world has uncovered are the 7 most damaging power gaps that professional women face today that keep women from reaching their highest and most thrilling potential and goals in their work.

The first gap I’ll be talking about today is Gap #1: Not Recognizing Your Special Talents, Abilities, and Accomplishments. This is THE most prevalent gap that I work with in my coaching programs, courses and trainings with women. So many thousands of women struggle to recognize that they are talented, and how these talents and abilities truly matter in the world.

I want to stress that it’s not arrogant or selfish to recognize and appreciate that you have greatness inside of you, because when you leverage those talents in a bigger way and in service to others, you are finally able to make the powerful difference that you were meant to, and experience the joy, reward and fulfillment that you long for. 

I hope you find this episode on Power Gap #1–and the entire podcast series and the book– truly instrumental on your journey to building a thrilling and reward career you love. 

Stay tuned to learn all about the other six most damaging power gaps women face, s in the upcoming weekly Finding Brave episodes. 

And as always, I’d love to hear which gaps speak to you most deeply, and your questions and feedback on how this information is moving your forward.

Please see the links below for pre-ordering the book and receiving some big special offers when you co. And do connect with me on LinkedIn and let me know how I can be of service to you. 

Highlights from this Episode:

  • Why I decided to publish a series of podcast episodes focusing on the power gaps that I see, and the two major questions I wanted to answer by doing this [3:18]
  • What I have discovered over many years of working with professional women about the importance of “positive power” and why women tend to fear it [5:56]
  • A breakdown of all 7 power gaps, and the anecdotes for overcoming them [9:48]
  • Why I think that people, especially professional women, aren’t recognizing their special talents, abilities and accomplishments, [11:58]

  • Where to begin in understanding your unique strengths so that you don’t feel victimized and stuck [17:56]

  • How I uncovered my own special skills and took the brave step to reinvent myself [23:38]

  • What research is showing that happens to girls around the age of 13, and how it’s holding us all back in damaging ways [32:18]

  • Some powerful action steps you can take today to overcome this first power gap, including a strategy to maximize the effectiveness of LinkedIn for you [36:05]

For More Information: 

https://kathycaprino.com/ 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/kathycaprino 

https://www.facebook.com/ElliaCommunications 

https://twitter.com/kathycaprino 

https://www.instagram.com/kathycaprino/ 

Resources Mentioned: 

The Most Powerful You: 7 Bravery-Boosting Paths to Career Bliss Official Website (with Trailer)

Pre-order at https://kathycaprino.com/mostpowerfulyoubook to become the most powerful version of you and reach your highest, most thrilling potential.

Book Pre-Order Bonus #1:

Pre-order the book before June 15th and receive free access to my 7-day power-boost challenge workbook! 

Book Pre-Order Bonus #2:

For all individuals who pre-order a copy before June 15th, send me your receipt at info@kathycaprino.com to be entered in a drawing for a free 6-session Career Breakthrough Private Coaching program ($2,997 value). One winner will be selected. 

Book Pre-Order Bonus #3: 

Pre-order 10 copies and receive a FREE 30-minute career consultation on Zoom with Kathy ($250 value)! Order 10 copies of the book for your friends, colleagues or team by June 15th, and send us your receipt at info@kathycaprino.com. Our team will be back in touch to schedule your call!

_____________________

Kathy’s Power Gaps Survey & Support To Build Your LinkedIn Profile To Great Success

HerTEDx Talk, Time To Brave Up & Free Career Path Self-Assessment

Kathy’s Forbes interview with Lauren Letellier on The Crushing Similarities Between Family and Business Dysfunction

The Energy of Money by Maria Nemeth

The Confidence Code by Katty Kaye and Clare Shipman

Core Personal Values Exercise from the CT Women’s Business Development Center  

Episode 4: Gender, Power and Relationships: The Crushing Effects of Patriarchy, with Terry Real

For more about Kathy’s upcoming book The Most Powerful You: 7 Bravery-Boosting Paths To Career Bliss, check out Kathy’s weekly newsletter at https://kathycaprino.com for updates, free special offers and giveaways, contests, and more! Pre-orders are available now! And to discover if you are experiencing any of the 7 damaging power gaps today, take Kathy’s Power Gap Survey and find out!

Become a Sponsor!

If you are interested in becoming a sponsor of Finding Brave, we’d love to hear from you! Please write to info@kathycaprino.com with your proposal and for more information.

QUOTES: 

“You can’t have what you want in your career, and you can’t have the reward, the thrill, the impact, the meaning or the purpose you want if you don’t have any power.” [6:16]

“I don’t know anybody who wouldn’t like a little more confidence right now, and a more power to take the reins on their life and career.” [10:54] 

“You can’t have a rewarding career if you don’t know how you are talented, and if you can’t talk about it or name it.” [14:15]

“People that don’t recognize that they are important and valuable often feel victimized and stuck.” [17:56]

“So many people hold themselves back from a happier life or career because they think they’re faulty, or not as educated or smart.” [18:48]

“What I’ve seen is that so many women actually don’t think they are worthy of the great success and rewards that they dream of.” [32:18]

Sponsor Highlight!  

I’m thrilled to share that Audible.com is a sponsor of Finding Brave! Take advantage of their great special offer of one FREE book of your choice with a 30-day FREE membership trial! And feel free to keep the book even if you cancel the membership. Click here to sign up for your free book! http://www.audibletrial.com/FindingBrave

Watch the video of this episode!
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Episode 123: Co-Elevation: How To Lead with Positive Influence and Collaboration, with Keith Ferrazzi

Thank you for listening to our Finding Brave show, ranked in the Top 100 Apple Podcasts in Careers!

“Your job as a leader is not to lead as an individual, but to foster the environment of co-elevation amongst your team. That’s the key, because your team needs to become co-elevators of each other.” – Keith Ferrazzi 

I’m doing something a bit differently on today’s special episode. I was recently having a conversation on the phone with someone I admire and respect a good deal, and what he was sharing with me was so rich and helpful that I knew I had to ask him if we could record our talk for the wonderful Finding Brave listeners. And he said YES!

Keith Ferrazzi is recognized as a global thought leader in the relational and collaborative sciences. As Chairman of Ferrazzi Greenlight and its Research Institute, he works to identify behaviors that block global organizations from reaching their goals and to transform them by coaching new behaviors that increase growth and shareholder value.

A New York Times #1 best-selling author of Who’s Got Your Back and Never Eat Alone, as well as a frequent contributor to Harvard Business Review, Forbes, Fortune, and many other leading publications, Keith’s gained over 20 years of experience, from the C-Suite to founding his own companies, and distilled those years and experiences into practices and solutions he brings to every engagement.

In this show, Keith reveals how co-elevation is a key foundational behavior that we can all use to lead, connect, and elevate ourselves and others powerfully and effectively, even without pre-established “authority.” 

Highlights from this Episode:

  • What Keith feels is most important for executive women to recognize about their relationships with others [2:40]

  • The concept of “co-elevation” and why it matters so much to teams in all workplaces [4:45]

  • The two biggest barriers teams will face that is preventing co-elevation [9:23]

  • Why co-creation is an “art form”, and the ways which it differs from buy-in [11:30]

  • What are the two major takeaways that Keith wants readers to get from his latest book [15:31]

For More Information: 

http://keithferrazzi.com/

http://ferrazzigreenlight.com/ 

https://www.ferrazzilearning.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/keithferrazzi/

https://www.facebook.com/keithferrazzi

https://twitter.com/ferrazzi

https://www.instagram.com/keithferrazzi/ 

Resources Mentioned: 

Keith’s New Book, Leading Without Authority: How the New Power of Co-Elevation Can Break Down Silos, Transform Teams, and Reinvent Collaboration

His Earlier Works, Never Eat Alone: And the Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time & Who’s Got Your Back: The Breakthrough Program to Build Deep, Trusting Relationships That Create Success–and Won’t Let You Fail

Keith’s Remote Teams Resource Center

His Video, How to Build Remote Meetings Powerfully 

Episode 4: Gender, Power and Relationships: The Crushing Effects of Patriarchy, with Terry Real

For more about Kathy’s upcoming book The Most Powerful You: 7 Bravery-Boosting Paths To Career Bliss, check out Kathy’s weekly newsletter at https://kathycaprino.com for updates, free special offers and giveaways, contests, and more! Pre-orders are available now! And to discover if you are experiencing any of the 7 damaging power gaps today, take Kathy’s Power Gap Survey and find out!                                                                                                           

Become a Sponsor!

If you are interested in becoming a sponsor of Finding Brave, we’d love to hear from you! Please write to info@kathycaprino.com with your proposal and for more information.

QUOTES: 

“I wrote a book, because I found that the relationships in your life are the number one predictor of opportunity, and success.” [2:40]

“I awakened to realize that in the work that I do now, coaching executive teams, it’s the ability to get a team to co-elevate with each other [that leads to success].” [4:45]

“What stops us from co-elevating in an organization also stops us from finding value in the interdependencies of teams.” [7:01]

“The new normal is you have to be inclusive. Diversity and inclusion is needed for great decision making.” [11:08]

“You lose nothing by leading with generosity.” [14:01]

“I’m committed to cracking the code not of individual advancement, but in collective advancement. How do you get the team to be as highest performing as possible?” [17:33]

Sponsor Highlight!  

I’m thrilled to share that Audible.com is a sponsor of Finding Brave! Take advantage of their great special offer of one FREE book of your choice with a 30-day FREE membership trial! And feel free to keep the book even if you cancel the membership. Click here to sign up for your free book! http://www.audibletrial.com/FindingBrave

Watch the video of this episode!
Now you can experience each Finding Brave episode in both audio and video formats! Check out new and recent episodes on my Youtube channel at YouTube.com/kathycaprino. And please leave us a comment and a thumbs up if you like the show! 


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Episode 122: Transform Your Ability To Succeed Through the Proximity Principle, with Ken Coleman

Thank you for listening to our Finding Brave show, ranked in the Top 100 Apple Podcasts in Careers!

“Embrace the struggle. Certainly if you’re in the career coaching business and you’ve got to sit across from somebody, how in the world are you going to have anything worthwhile to pour out to them if you’ve never struggled?” – Ken Coleman 

The first step toward a dream job is always the scariest, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Today’s Finding Brave guest shares how something he calls “The Proximity Principle” can help you achieve what you want in your career, by finding the people who are doing it and spending time in the places where it’s happening. And he explores what most people are missing, or struggling with, when it comes to their mindset that prevents them from tremendous success.

Ken Coleman is a #1 national best-selling author and nationally syndicated radio host of The Ken Coleman Show. Pulling from his own personal struggles, missed opportunities, and career successes, Coleman helps people discover what they were born to do and provides practical steps to make their dream job a reality. The Ken Coleman Show is a caller-driven career show that helps listeners who are stuck in a job they hate or searching for something more out of their career. His second book, The Proximity Principle: The Proven Strategy That Will Lead To The Career You Love, was released in May 2019.

Not only does Ken reveal how to put yourself in a position to realize your career aspirations, he covers so much more in this episode. He explains why developing your listening skills and also embracing the struggle are so important, how to face and conquer your fears, as well as the specific mindsets that he has seen in the thousands of successful people he has spoken with over the years.

Highlights from this Episode:

  • Why this concept of The Proximity Principle matters so much to Ken [3:55]

  • How he used the principle to further his own career, specifically from the age of 31 through 43 [6:48]

  • The word that Ken prefers to use instead of “expert,” and the reasons why [9:57]

  • What to do to start getting in closer proximity with the people could impact you and your career [13:43]

  • Four questions to ask in order to gain clarity in your career path right now [16:48]

  • A classic story that demonstrates how embracing the struggle is part of all journeys to success [23:45]

  • Whether or not Ken believes that someone can develop the skill of breaking down experiences into lessons and principles [26:18]

  • What most people are missing, or struggling with, when it comes to their mindset [32:23]

  • The ways that Ken fights fear every single day and his recommendations for how we can all do this [33:58]

For More Information: 

https://www.kencoleman.com/

https://www.facebook.com/kencolemanshow

https://www.linkedin.com/in/kencoleman-/

https://twitter.com/kencoleman

Resources Mentioned: 

Ken’s Latest Book, The Proximity Principle: The Proven Strategy That Will Lead To The Career You Love

His First Book, One Question: Life-Changing Answers from Today’s Leading Voices

Kathy’s First Book, Breakdown, Breakthrough: The Professional Woman’s Guide to Claiming a Life of Passion, Power, and Purpose

59: 11 Essential Shifts Every Leader Must Embrace, with John Maxwell

107: DataStory: How To Explain Data and Inspire Action Through Story, with Nancy Duarte

For more about Kathy’s upcoming book The Most Powerful You: 7 Bravery-Boosting Paths To Career Bliss, sign up for her weekly newsletter at https://kathycaprino.com for updates, free giveaways, contests, and more, coming in Spring 2020. And to discover if you are experiencing any of the 7 damaging power gaps today, take Kathy’s Power Gap Survey and find out!                                                                                                                                                                                         

Become a Sponsor!

If you are interested in becoming a sponsor of Finding Brave, we’d love to hear from you! Please write to info@kathycaprino.com with your proposal and for more information.

QUOTES: 

“Here’s what I know. If you’re not in the right place, then the right time can’t happen.” [4:42]

“Expert is just a cheap word. Experts are a dime a dozen right now, and who says you’re the expert?” [10:06]

“You better understand that being a career coach is an entrepreneurial venture.” [14:07]

“It is the struggle that allows us to transform, and there is no strength absent of the struggle.” [24:26]

“The key to solving complexity is always simplicity, no matter what business you’re in.” [26:27]

“You’ve got to be listening for things. So when someone gives you something, as a career guide or coach you better be really darn good at listening, and not just with your ears.” [30:21] 

“My job is to be the sounding board, and I am of the belief that the person has the answers.” [31:14]

Sponsor Highlight!  

I’m thrilled to share that Audible.com is a sponsor of Finding Brave! Take advantage of their great special offer of one FREE book of your choice with a 30-day FREE membership trial! And feel free to keep the book even if you cancel the membership. Click here to sign up for your free book! http://www.audibletrial.com/FindingBrave

Watch the video of this episode!
Now you can experience each Finding Brave episode in both audio and video formats! Check out new and recent episodes on my Youtube channel at YouTube.com/kathycaprino. And please leave us a comment and a thumbs up if you like the show! 


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Episode 121: How To Land Powerful Mentoring That Will Accelerate Your Success and Growth, with Dr. Ravi Gundlapalli

Thank you for listening to our Finding Brave show, ranked in the Top 100 Apple Podcasts in Careers!

“Who is looking over your shoulders and making sure you succeed, because that’s the kind of support network you need to build. There’s no reason to do this alone. It’s perfectly ok to ask for help.” – Dr. Ravi Gundlapalli 

Mentorship can be a powerful tool in the workplace, as it builds strong and meaningful human connections while accelerating the transfer of wisdom from those who have it to those who need it. Today’s Finding Brave guest has achieved tremendous success facilitating mentorship opportunities, and his company is now developing a platform exclusively for women with the vision of empowering one million entrepreneurial women to build thriving businesses. 

Dr. Ravi Gundlapalli is Founder & CEO of MentorCloud — a global mentoring technology platform for people within a company or community to learn from each other. Dr. Ravi is a globally recognized thought leader and keynote speaker on the topics of mentoring, entrepreneurship and innovation, and is also the author of The Art of Mentoring. He is on a mission to impact 100 million people with the power of mentoring. Prior to MentorCloud, Dr. Ravi led supply chain solutions for Boeing 787 Dreamliner and other High Technology companies.

In this episode, Ravi reveals how just one good conversation could not only change the destiny of the mentee, but is also a powerful experience for the mentor who gets to share his or her wisdom and experiences and establish a lasting legacy.

Highlights from this Episode:

  • How Ravi became so passionate about the idea of mentorship, and the life-changing moment that really got him thinking about his legacy [4:04]

  • The way that he got to see firsthand the magic that can happen when the right people come together in a mentor/mentee relationship [9:07]

  • Why he strongly feels that mentoring is a two-way street [11:15]

  • The top qualities that a mentee looking to be mentored should possess [13:34]

  • Ravi’s vision behind starting MentorCloud [16:52]

  • Why “intentional conversations” must take place for mentoring to be truly effective [19:15]

  • The roles that Ravi’s early mentors played in the success he has achieved [21:17]

  • A simple tip you can use to connect in the best way with potential mentors [26:00]

  • A breakdown of MentorCloud’s innovative new development specifically for women, WE Platform [27:23]

  • The next steps for you to take on your own journey, and the specific questions you can start asking yourself now [33:50]

For More Information: 

https://www.mentorcloud.com/

http://www.ravigundlapalli.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ravishankargundlapalli/

https://twitter.com/ravigundlapalli

https://www.instagram.com/ravigundlapalli/

https://www.facebook.com/rgundlapalli

Resources Mentioned: 

Ravi’s Book, The Art of Mentoring: Simple tools & techniques to achieve your full potential

MentorCloud’s WE Platform (free demos available for Finding Brave listeners)

Kathy’s interview of Ravi on her Forbes Blog, Great Mentors Are Essential For Success, But How Do You Find Them?

Kathy and Garrett Mintz (Ambition In Motion) Forbes Blog, How To Land Great Mentors Who Will Help You Build A Rewarding Career

Never Eat Alone: And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time & Who’s Got Your Back: The Breakthrough Program to Build Deep,

Trusting Relationships That Create Success–and Won’t Let You Fail by Keith Ferrazzi

For more about Kathy’s upcoming book The Most Powerful You: 7 Bravery-Boosting Paths To Career Bliss, sign up for her weekly newsletter at https://kathycaprino.com for updates, free giveaways, contests, and more, coming April 28, 2020. And to discover if you are experiencing any of the 7 damaging power gaps today, take Kathy’s Power Gap Survey and find out!

Become a Sponsor!

If you are interested in becoming a sponsor of Finding Brave, we’d love to hear from you! Please write to info@kathycaprino.com with your proposal and for more information.

QUOTES: 

“I believe in human connections, and as a human race we thrived because of people learning from each other.” [4:05]

“We have the opportunity to write our own story, and to leave a legacy that we want people to remember about us.” [8:08]

“I made a pact that day that I will focus on how I can impact a lot of people, because the best way to live is to live in the hearts of other people.” [8:21]

“If it is easy to find a Starbucks, it should be even easier to find a mentor.” [10:04]

“Make sure that you’re engaged in good conversations, because one conversation can change your destiny.” [20:31]

“Most wisdom that we think we have, we think it’s common sense, but your wisdom is actually good for at least a billion people. I guarantee it.” [22:28]

Sponsor Highlight!  

I’m thrilled to share that Audible.com is a sponsor of Finding Brave! Take advantage of their great special offer of one FREE book of your choice with a 30-day FREE membership trial! And feel free to keep the book even if you cancel the membership. Click here to sign up for your free book! http://www.audibletrial.com/FindingBrave

Watch the video of this episode!
Now you can experience each Finding Brave episode in both audio and video formats! Check out new and recent episodes on my Youtube channel at YouTube.com/kathycaprino. And please leave us a comment and a thumbs up if you like the show! 


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Episode 120: Ensuring Your Best Days Are Ahead, Not Behind You, with Antonio Neves

Thank you for listening to our Finding Brave show, ranked in the Top 100 Apple Podcasts in Careers!

“I do want us to think bigger, and the whole mindset of “the best thing” is living each day to the max because we woke up and because we are here. Indeed, if I am here today, I truly do believe the best thing is ahead of me. – Antonio Neves

Today, I’m sharing an exploration with you of my own belief, and my guest’s as well, that the best thing to ever happen to you continues to be ahead of you, not behind you. Back in 2016, my Finding Brave guest reached a point where even though the internet, social media, and his resume said he was “successful,” he was in a deep funk in his personal and business life. In this episode, he reveals how he set out to course-correct and to ensure that his best days were always going to be ahead and not behind him.

Antonio Neves teaches powerful principles and actionable strategies to ensure that how you live your life every day, and the mindsets and behaviors you embrace, will leverage all that you’ve experienced and learned, and set you up to continue to thrive at your highest level. 

An award-winning broadcast journalist, Antonio spent over 10 years working as a correspondent, reporter, and producer with top networks including NBC, PBS, and BET.  In the years following, he became an internationally recognized speaker and coach, and has delivered hundreds of keynotes across the globe to some of the largest brands in the world including: Google, Starwood Hotels & Resorts Worldwide, Stanford University and more. Antonio is also the author of three books including 50 Ways To Excel In Your First Job (And In Life) with another book coming soon. 

As Antonio shares, you do indeed have a say in your life, but you must take full responsibility for where you are today. If you focus on being of service to others, and don’t overly attach to specific outcomes and remember to reach out and not do it alone, you can accomplish anything of significance that you put your mind to. 

Highlights from this Episode:

  • Antonio’s breakdown, breakthrough moment in 2016 that impacted what he does today [5:15]

  • The internal guilt and feeling of disconnect that he was experiencing at that time [8:53]

  • What steps Antonio took to recover, and the lessons we can all learn from it [9:50]

  • How hiring a coach himself has resulted in him becoming a better coach to his clients [11:34]

  • The way that Antonio learned that validation needs to come from within, not from outside sources [13:18]

  • What he does to lean on a strong community of allies on a regular basis [18:03]

  • How to start showing up for yourself – not just others [20:48]

  • The real reason why many of us aren’t sleeping well [26:33]

  • Why Antonio determined that the best way to live your best life is to “release the outcome” [31:03]

For More Information: 

https://www.theantonioneves.com/

http://www.facebook.com/theantonioneves

https://twitter.com/theantonioneves

https://www.youtube.com/c/TheAntonioNeves 

https://www.instagram.com/theantonioneves/

Resources Mentioned: 

Antonio’s Books, 50 Ways to Excel in Your First Job (and in Life): Because The Most Important Lessons For Young Professionals Are The Things That No One Tells You & 50 Things Every College Student Should Know: Because the Most Important Lessons You Learn Happen Outside the Classroom

His New Podcast, The Best Thing and his interview with Kathy on “Choose Who You Want To Be In the World

Kathy’s First Book, Breakdown, Breakthrough: The Professional Woman’s Guide to Claiming a Life of Passion, Power, and Purpose

Hidden Brain (NPR) Episode, Our Better Nature: How The Great Outdoors Can Improve Your Life

For more about Kathy’s upcoming book The Most Powerful You: 7 Bravery-Boosting Paths To Career Bliss, sign up for her weekly newsletter at https://kathycaprino.com for updates, free giveaways, contests, and more, coming April 28, 2020. And to discover if you are experiencing any of the 7 damaging power gaps today, take Kathy’s Power Gap Survey and find out!

 

Become a Sponsor!

If you are interested in becoming a sponsor of Finding Brave, we’d love to hear from you! Please write to info@kathycaprino.com with your proposal and for more information.

QUOTES: 

“What’s wild is that while all these things on the Internet and social media were going right for me, I couldn’t have felt more empty inside.” [5:50]

“It was so funny, here I am coaching so many people, yet I wasn’t getting coached.” [12:10]

“Society will tell you quickly what you want if you’re not paying attention.” [12:28]

“When we give everything to everyone else, we end up losing.” [21:02]

“It took me so many years, and here I am in my early forties finally able to say that my job title does not determine my worth.” [24:48]

Sponsor Highlight!  

I’m thrilled to share that Audible.com is a sponsor of Finding Brave! Take advantage of their great special offer of one FREE book of your choice with a 30-day FREE membership trial! And feel free to keep the book even if you cancel the membership. Click here to sign up for your free book! http://www.audibletrial.com/FindingBrave

Watch the video of this episode!
Now you can experience each Finding Brave episode in both audio and video formats! Check out new and recent episodes on my Youtube channel at YouTube.com/kathycaprino. And please leave us a comment and a thumbs up if you like the show! 


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Episode 119: Key Shifts To Help You Turn Crisis Into Opportunity, with Laura Khalil

Thank you for listening to our Finding Brave show, ranked in the Top 100 Apple Podcasts in Careers!

We ask for your indulgence regarding the poor audio quality of this recording. We faced audio issues during this recording that have now been addressed. Thank you for understanding!

“Every experience that has occurred in your life, up to this point, has been placed beautifully to help you confront and give you the tools to deal with what is going on.” – Laura Khalil 

It may be difficult to remember in times such as the ones that we are experiencing right now, but the greater the challenge, the greater the opportunity for growth. Today’s Finding Brave guest is an expert storyteller who reveals how we can begin to reimagine the stories we tell ourselves to build resiliency. Her inspiring message shows that nothing is in your way, but it is all on your way if you choose to see how the Universe is conspiring to help you grow.

Laura Khalil is an award-winning marketer, speaker, and trainer helping companies build engaged, inclusive teams by strengthening their communications skills. A storyteller at heart, Laura helps audiences reimagine the stories we tell ourselves to build resiliency and the courage to thrive.

She is the host of the podcast Brave by Design, which is focused on helping ambitious women rise. She is a regular contributor to media on business and technology. Laura has worked with Twitter, GE, Intel, Forbes, WeWork and has told stories at The Moth, RISK! and Detroit Women of Comedy Festival.

I hope you find this brave conversation with Laura as uplifting and relevant as I did, as she is someone who has consciously made the choice to be her highest, most powerful and confident self in the face of some staggering life experiences. 

Highlights from this Episode:

  • Laura’s fascinating “DNA story” and the major internal crisis she faced after discovering her past [8:23]

  • How she consciously chose an opportunity to not be a victim and to decide on the life that she wanted to live [13:13]

  • What she means when she says that “we all grow at the border of support and challenge” [15:59]

  • A simple practice she recommends to immediately reduce stress and overwhelm [17:43]

  • The subtle nuances between fate and destiny [21:27]

  • A choice that each and every one of us can make right now in order to master our own destiny [23:01]

  • Why simple acts of service are so powerful, and do not have to be elaborate or difficult to do [30:50]

  • An update of where Laura is at now in her personal life, and some exciting recent developments [31:38]

For More Information: 

https://www.bravebydesign.net/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/laurakhalil/

https://www.facebook.com/CoachingWithCourage

https://twitter.com/4ceofbadassery

https://www.instagram.com/forceofbadassery/

Resources Mentioned: 

Laura’s Brave by Design Podcast & Kathy’s Appearance on the Show 

I Submitted My DNA to Discover An Identity. Instead, I Found A Family (Laura on NPR)

23andMe

Journey of Souls by Dr. Michael Newton

Kathy’s First Book, Breakdown, Breakthrough: The Professional Woman’s Guide to Claiming a Life of Passion, Power, and Purpose

Eckhart Tolle’s Free Resources

For more about Kathy’s upcoming book The Most Powerful You: 7 Bravery-Boosting Paths To Career Bliss, sign up for her weekly newsletter at https://kathycaprino.com for updates, free giveaways, contests, and more, coming in Spring 2020. And to discover if you are experiencing any of the 7 damaging power gaps today, take Kathy’s Power Gap Survey and find out!                                                                                                                                                                                         

Become a Sponsor!

If you are interested in becoming a sponsor of Finding Brave, we’d love to hear from you! Please write to info@kathycaprino.com with your proposal and for more information.

QUOTES: 

“We all tell ourselves stories. Everyone has an opportunity in this moment, in any crisis, to say either it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you or it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you.” [12:52]

“We all grow at the border of support and challenge.” [16:08]

“Destiny is what we consciously choose to do with our fate that is in service to our highest potential.” [22:22]

“You have a choice. Do you want to live as a victim of your history, or a master of your destiny?” [23:01]

“I’ve been given these ingredients for living, now what kind of recipe do I want to make with them?” [27:29]

Sponsor Highlight!  

I’m thrilled to share that Audible.com is a sponsor of Finding Brave! Take advantage of their great special offer of one FREE book of your choice with a 30-day FREE membership trial! And feel free to keep the book even if you cancel the membership. Click here to sign up for your free book! http://www.audibletrial.com/FindingBrave

Watch the video of this episode!
Now you can experience each Finding Brave episode in both audio and video formats! Check out new and recent episodes on my Youtube channel at YouTube.com/kathycaprino. And please leave us a comment and a thumbs up if you like the show! 


OTHER WAYS TO ENJOY THIS POST:

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Episode 118: How To Build The Mental Strength You Need to Reach Your Greatest Potential, with Amy Morin

Thank you for listening to our Finding Brave show, ranked in the Top 100 Apple Podcasts in Careers!

“Self-pity is when you exaggerate how bad your life is. When you start to get helpless, hopeless and you think there’s no hope and life can never get better, you dig in your heels and stay stuck. So if you say you are going to work on not feeling sorry for yourself, instead say that you’re going to work on gratitude. That’s one really simple way to start changing your life and building mental muscle.” – Amy Morin

What if I told you that you can learn to change the way you think, and you can train your brain to work for you, not against you? My guest today initially wrote a blog post to improve her own mental strength, and that led to a career helping millions of people around the globe build their mental muscles, and as a result, live much more fulfilled lives.

Amy Morin is a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and psychology lecturer at Northeastern University. She’s also an international bestselling author. Her books, 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do, 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do, and 13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don’t Do have been translated into 33 languages.

The Guardian dubbed her “the self-help guru of the moment” and Forbes calls her a “thought leadership star.”

Her TEDx talk, The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong, is one of the most popular talks of all time with more than 10 million views. She’s a regular contributor to Forbes, Inc., and Psychology Today where her articles on mental strength reach more than 2 million readers each month.

Her advice for building mental strength has been featured by major media outlets, including Fox News, CNN, Oprah.com, Today, Good Morning America, Success, Business Insider, Time, and the Hallmark Channel.

In this episode Amy shares her framework for learning to control your emotions and take positive actions, which will result in you taking back your power. Amy is someone who is not only inspirational as a wonderful therapist, but as a writer and influencer in the way that she crafts her messages, which is why I’m so excited to be bringing you this conversation with her today. 

Interestingly, we recorded this well before the global health crisis hit, but each insight that Amy shares can be used today, to help us cope and even thrive through these very trying times.

Highlights from this Episode:

  • What led Amy to the work she does, and why she chooses to focus on what not to do in order to build mental strength [4:49]

  • How to know what mental strength looks like, plus the ways that it differs from mental health [10:36]

  • The real reason a lot of people stay in “victim mode” [14:01]

  • Amy’s simple steps for building your mental muscles that anyone can do right now [17:06]

  • How to consciously stop feeling pity for yourself, and why asking for help is absolutely essential in the journey to build mental strength [19:22]

  • Why Amy feels that her message has resonated with so many people [26:40]

  • One particularly unhealthy habit to start watching for [28:21]

  • The ways that Amy’s life has changed since originally writing her blog post and books, and how she is now helping so many people by sharing her knowledge [30:18]

For More Information: 

https://amymorinlcsw.com/

https://www.instagram.com/amymorinauthor/

https://www.facebook.com/AmyMorinAuthor

https://twitter.com/amymorinlcsw

Resources Mentioned: 

All of Amy’s Books 

Her Viral Blog Post, 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do & TEDx Talk, The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong 

For more about Kathy’s upcoming book The Most Powerful You: 7 Bravery-Boosting Paths To Career Bliss, sign up for her weekly newsletter at https://kathycaprino.com for updates, free giveaways, contests, and more, coming in Spring 2020. And to discover if you are experiencing any of the 7 damaging power gaps today, take Kathy’s Power Gap Survey and find out!                                                                                                                                                                                         

Become a Sponsor!

If you are interested in becoming a sponsor of Finding Brave, we’d love to hear from you! Please write to info@kathycaprino.com with your proposal and for more information.

QUOTES: 

“When we talk about mentally strong people, we often look at Navy Seals or elite athletes, but what does it look like to be a strong woman? [3:53]

“What’s the worst habit you have? What counter-productive thing are you doing? When we get rid of that, all of your hard work becomes much more effective. I saw it work, so then I applied it to my own life.” [7:40]

“It’s much easier to think you’re a victim of a cruel world and the cruel people in it rather than you have the power to change your life.” [15:18]

“I’m a huge fan of finding a community. If you want to be strong, you have to surround yourself with strong people.” [23:07]

Sponsor Highlight!  

I’m thrilled to share that Audible.com is a sponsor of Finding Brave! Take advantage of their great special offer of one FREE book of your choice with a 30-day FREE membership trial! And feel free to keep the book even if you cancel the membership. Click here to sign up for your free book! http://www.audibletrial.com/FindingBrave

Watch the video of this episode!
Now you can experience each Finding Brave episode in both audio and video formats! Check out new and recent episodes on my Youtube channel at YouTube.com/kathycaprino. And please leave us a comment and a thumbs up if you like the show! 


OTHER WAYS TO ENJOY THIS POST:

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Episode 117: How Good Leaders Fall: The Role Of Arrogance In Leadership Failure, with John Havlik

Thank you for listening to our Finding Brave show, ranked in the Top 100 Apple Podcasts in Careers!

“You’ve always got to keep your mind open, your mental aperture, because if you think you know it all there’s a good inclination that hubris is right around the corner knocking on your door, and ready to come strike you down.” – John Havlik

Being an effective leader today is much more than having the ability to make decisions, and often it is the hubris or arrogance of the leader that is holding him or her back from connecting with others in a way that makes people feel heard, trusted and valued. Today’s Finding Brave guest shares his deep personal insights and experiences from a distinguished career as a leader, and focuses on helping others from falling into this all-too-common trap of letting their arrogance crush their impact, reputation and their ability to lead. 

CAPT John “Coach” Havlik, USN (Ret), retired from the Navy in 2014 after 31 years of distinguished service in the Naval Special Warfare (SEAL) community. He has served on all SEAL teams on both coasts, including the famed SEAL Team SIX.

Coach Havlik is a Special Advisor to Giant Leap Consulting and regularly speaks about leadership and working as a team under arduous and stressful conditions. Along with Bill Treasurer, John co-authored The Leadership Killer: Reclaiming Humility in an Age of Arrogance.

What John reveals in this episode is critical information that needs to be heard today. If you think you have to know everything (or believe you already do know everything) in order to lead others, you don’t understand what true leadership is and this episode will benefit you greatly. 

Highlights from this Episode:

  • What John and Bill Treasurer were seeing in leadership that led to them writing their book together [4:26]

  • How hubris and arrogance are related, and why John feels people take on these traits [9:07]

  • The reasons that being a good leader is more than just making decisions [11:23]

  • What to consider when leading introverts, and the coaching lessons that John has learned along his journey [13:33]

  • A time that he believes got too arrogant, and what happened as a result [15:48]

  • What John means when he says everyone should “have a check”, plus what it looks like to put one in place [22:34]

  • Why mental aperture is so important to have for any leader, or inspiring leader [31:30]

  • Why good leaders don’t need to know everything [32:43]

For More Information: 

https://www.coachhavlik.com/

https://twitter.com/coachhavlik

https://www.linkedin.com/in/john-r-havlik/ 

Resources Mentioned: 

John’s Book, The Leadership Killer: Reclaiming Humility in an Age of Arrogance & Audible Version

Kathy & John’s Forbes Blog, One Common Personality Trait That Crushes Leadership Success, Value And Reputation

Episode 7: Overcoming Your Biggest Blocks to Courage, with Bill Treasurer

Kathy’s Forbes Post, I’m Sick Of Our Culture’s Bias Against Introverts — And I’m Ashamed To Admit I Share In It

Quiet Revolution (Susan Cain)

For more about Kathy’s upcoming book The Most Powerful You: 7 Bravery-Boosting Paths To Career Bliss, sign up for her weekly newsletter at https://kathycaprino.com for updates, free giveaways, contests, and more, coming in Spring 2020. And to discover if you are experiencing any of the 7 damaging power gaps today, take Kathy’s Power Gap Survey and find out!                                                                                                                                                                                         

Become a Sponsor!

If you are interested in becoming a sponsor of Finding Brave, we’d love to hear from you! Please write to info@kathycaprino.com with your proposal and for more information.

QUOTES: 

“I think for leaders and athletes, in order to be good you have to be confident in your abilities, but I think hubris takes it to the next level. It tends to cloud your judgment.” [6:55]

“Good leaders know how to incorporate and make people feel like they’re part of the process.” [12:04]

“I quickly found out that the biggest, strongest and fastest don’t always get promoted. It’s often who you knew, and I didn’t do real well at that.” [16:36]

“I didn’t have a mentor, and I tried to do it alone. I tried to manage my career alone, which is not very smart.” [19:56]

“I think people are afraid to have somebody that calls them out, especially if you’re doing well and successful.” [23:47]

“Part of the thing I learned was how much I didn’t know.” [31:33]

Sponsor Highlight!  

I’m thrilled to share that Audible.com is a sponsor of Finding Brave! Take advantage of their great special offer of one FREE book of your choice with a 30-day FREE membership trial! And feel free to keep the book even if you cancel the membership. Click here to sign up for your free book! http://www.audibletrial.com/FindingBrave

Watch the video of this episode!
Now you can experience each Finding Brave episode in both audio and video formats! Check out new and recent episodes on my Youtube channel at YouTube.com/kathycaprino. And please leave us a comment and a thumbs up if you like the show! 


OTHER WAYS TO ENJOY THIS POST:

Download on Apple Podcasts

 


Episode 116: How To Manage Our Depression and Anxiety in Fearful Times, with Dr. Gregory Jantz

Thank you for listening to our Finding Brave show, ranked in the Top 100 Apple Podcasts in Careers!

“We have to decide where we’re going to anchor ourselves, and I think we all need three to five really great and positive relationships with people that will tell us the truth. We can really be empowered by each other right now.” – Dr. Gregory Jantz

During times of uncertainty like these today, we see an increase in stress,  fear, and anxiety, but the good news is that depression and anxiety are treatable and there are key steps we can take today to help ourselves not just survive, but thrive through change. A whole-person approach to care – mind, body, and soul – has proven to produce lasting results, and today’s Finding Brave guest has made it his mission to improve the lives of others with this focus and approach. 

Dr. Gregory Jantz is a bestselling author, psychologist, and the founder of The Center: A Place of Hope, where he treats people suffering from anxiety, depression, PTSD, addiction, eating disorders and more. Dr. Jantz’s latest book, Healing Depression for Life: The Personalized Approach That Offers New Hope for Lasting Relief is on shelves now.

It goes without saying that this current pandemic has presented challenges we’ve all felt unequipped for, but we’re all doing our best to navigate through this together. I do hope the content we’re offering here today, along with new material in future weeks, will help you on your individual journeys and our collective one. 

Thank you so much for listening, and please do reach out to me at info@kathycaprino.com if I can be of any help to you. I’d love to hear any ideas for topics and issues that you’d like this show to cover right now, to help you and your communities. 

Here’s to finding brave together, and I’m sending all best wishes for health, safety and peace for you and your loved ones.

Highlights from this Episode:

  • Where to begin in dealing with our own fears, especially at times like these that are ever-evolving [4:37]

  • The effect that consuming negative news can have on our well-being, and what we can do to make life better not only for ourselves, but for the people around us [8:08]

  • What not to do when we are feeling down, and simple habits we can implement to ensure destructive behaviors don’t take hold of us [11:33]

  • The ways that social distancing differs from isolation, and why this distinction is so important [17:45]

  • The role that each of our priorities will play in our lives, especially right now [19:15]

  • How we can be using technology to take advantage of opportunities that still exist to maintain strong relationships with others [22:47]

  • How Dr. Jantz and his team help others on a daily basis, and what he says is needed for the long-term success of the people they work with [28:09]

For More Information: 

https://www.drgregoryjantz.com/

https://aplaceofhope.com 

https://www.facebook.com/DrGregoryJantz

https://twitter.com/GregoryJantzPhD

 Resources Mentioned: 

Gregory’s Latest Book, Healing Depression for Life:The Personalized Approach That Offers New Hope for Lasting Relief (on Audible) & All Of His Other Works

Kathy’s Amazing Career Project

Episode 49: Speaking Brave – How Your Words Create Your Reality and Your Happiness, with Michelle Gielan

5 Happiness Hacks from Shawn Achor 

For more about Kathy’s upcoming book The Most Powerful You: 7 Bravery-Boosting Paths To Career Bliss, sign up for her weekly newsletter at https://kathycaprino.com for updates, free giveaways, contests, and more, coming in Spring 2020. And to discover if you are experiencing any of the 7 damaging power gaps today, take Kathy’s Power Gap Survey and find out!                                                                                                                                                                                         

Become a Sponsor!

If you are interested in becoming a sponsor of Finding Brave, we’d love to hear from you! Please write to info@kathycaprino.com with your proposal and for more information.

QUOTES: 

“When we get to a place of panic, panic breeds panic and people run in herds.” [4:39]

“We don’t want to do social isolation, because the more that we’re isolated socially, the more that we’re probably going to move over to self-destructive behaviors.” [11:51]

“We need to be giving each other a lot of grace right now, so give each other grace versus increased conflict.” [19:38]

“If we get so self-absorbed with all the anxiety in all of our own stuff, then we’re not seeing the needs of others.” [21:04]

“With self-care, don’t feel guilty. We need to take care of ourselves, because there’s somebody that’s going to need you today.” [26:37]

“I think our greatest long-term success is when we’re willing to look at the whole person, and discovering all the different pieces of the puzzle, and putting them together.” [28:09]

Sponsor Highlight!  

I’m thrilled to share that Audible.com is a sponsor of Finding Brave! Take advantage of their great special offer of one FREE book of your choice with a 30-day FREE membership trial! And feel free to keep the book even if you cancel the membership. Click here to sign up for your free book! http://www.audibletrial.com/FindingBrave

Watch the video of this episode!
Now you can experience each Finding Brave episode in both audio and video formats! Check out new and recent episodes on my Youtube channel at YouTube.com/kathycaprino. And please leave us a comment and a thumbs up if you like the show! 


OTHER WAYS TO ENJOY THIS POST:

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How To Reduce Damaging Conflict In Your Life, Work And Relationships

Part of the series “Accessing the Most Powerful You”

As we all know, some degree of conflict in our work and personal relationships is unavoidable. Human beings are organisms with very different values, upbringings beliefs, mindsets and approaches to achieving their goals. And living and working together inevitably generates disagreements in how we see life and the challenges in front of us, and the ways we wish to achieve our goals and visions. But some people seem to have a special ability to manage conflict in ways that create avenues for collaboration and success, while others do the opposite—they escalate and exacerbate conflict so it becomes more destructive and demoralizing.

To learn more about this important topic, I was excited to catch up with Dr. Jennifer Goldman-Wetzler, an expert in helping teams and organizations experience conflict resolution and freedom. Goldman-Wetzler is founder and CEO of Alignment Strategies Group, the premier New York-based consulting firm that counsels CEOs and their executive teams on how to optimize organizational health and growth.

Author of the new book Optimal Outcomes: Free Yourself from Conflict at Work, at Home, and in Life, Goldman-Wetzler is a keynote speaker at Fortune 500 companies, public institutions and innovative, fast-growing startups, where she inspires audiences of all kinds, including those at Google, Harvard and TEDx, and in her popular course at Columbia University.

A former counter-terrorism research fellow with the U.S. Department of Homeland Security, she is a graduate of Tufts University and holds a Ph.D. in Social-Organizational Psychology from Columbia University. In her book, Goldman-Wetzler shares that, in order to free ourselves from recurring conflict, we have to break the pattern of the conflict loop by doing something different from what we’ve been doing in the past.

Here’s what she shares:

Kathy Caprino: What’s the number one mistake people make when faced with a conflict?

Jennifer Goldman-Wetzler: The number one mistake people make when faced with conflict is dealing with a situation the same way we have before, yet expecting a different result. In my work and book, I identify four common conflict habits that get us into trouble: blaming others, blaming ourselves, avoiding others, and relentlessly trying to collaborate even when others refuse to cooperate. We engage in these habits with the best of intentions. We goodnaturedly want to learn from our experiences, or stay focused on what really matters, or achieve “win-win” solutions. But when we habitually rely on these strategies regardless of whether they’re appropriate for the particular situations we face, they become overused and of limited use over time.

Rather than dealing with conflict based on habitual reflexes, the Optimal Outcomes practices help us notice how we’ve been operating, and learn how to take different actions to achieve the results we seek.

Caprino: What drew you to work that specializes in conflict?

Goldman-Wetzler: I was drawn to a career specializing in conflict from a very young age, way before I even knew it was possible to formally work in this area.

My father’s parents escaped Nazi Europe, tragically leaving behind family they’d never see again. This came with the emotional and psychological baggage you’d expect: lifelong fear and grief. Like many immigrants of their generation, my grandparents never had access to professional counselors or therapists to help them process their emotions. Instead, their pain sometimes came out in unhelpful ways; in my grandfather’s case, in bursts of anger and rage.

On the other side of my family, my maternal grandmother was the quintessential “conflict whisperer.” Every Sunday, my grandmother, parents, brother and I would drive from our apartment in the Bronx to the Connecticut suburbs to visit my aunt and uncle. When screaming and yelling inevitably broke out in the car, my grandmother would stop the bickering. She’d simply whisper “Sha, sha, sha,” and then she’d tell us a simple story. Everyone would quiet down. Her very presence and the sound of her voice were enough to soothe our nerves.

Learning to deal with my grandfather’s rage, and through my grandmother’s example, I naturally became the “conflict whisperer” of my family, too. I eventually made it a formal career path.

Caprino: Why do so many people get stuck in what you call a “conflict loop?”

Goldman-Wetzler: Half a century of research has shown that conflict is naturally cyclical. Conflict begets conflict. It’s the nature of the beast.

We get stuck in conflict loops when our conflict habits interact with other people’s conflict habits, forming a pattern of interaction that becomes very hard to break. The conflict loop is self-reinforcing. Unless we introduce something different—what I call “pattern-breaking action”—the loop will continue to go around and around.

But we can identify and revise the conflict habits—our own, and others’—that create a pattern. Using these specific practices helps us think about situations from a different point of view, and take new actions to create breaks in the pattern so we can ultimately free ourselves from the loop entirely.

Caprino: You place a priority on conflict freedom over conflict resolution. Would you clarify the difference?

Goldman-Wetzler: Conflict resolution says that conflicts can be resolved by meeting our own and others’ interests in ways that allow all parties to win. But some conflicts are what I call “resolution-resistant.” No matter how many times we or others try to resolve these conflicts, even using “win-win” principled negotiation methodologies that have been successfully used in complex cases over the past 40 years, the conflict remains.

Conflict freedom is helpful in those cases where conflict resolution doesn’t work. Conflict freedom helps us stop trying to resolve something that has shown itself to be unresolvable. Instead, it shows us how to free ourselves from the mindsets, emotions and behaviors that have gotten us stuck. It helps us achieve optimal outcomes—those that take into account our imagined best-case scenario and the reality of the constraints we face. Optimal outcomes are often different from what we thought we wanted, but more satisfying than we ever imagined possible.

Caprino: What’s wrong with always striving for “win-win” solutions?

Goldman-Wetzler: Striving for “win-win” solutions is often a great thing to do. The problem happens when we always strive for them, regardless of whether our efforts are getting us the results we desire. Seeking to achieve “win-win” solutions when we’re dealing with people who refuse to cooperate, or who are simply not interested in doing so, can be a waste of time, energy, money and resources that could be better spent elsewhere. Brainstorming option after option with others who are not interested in them doesn’t resolve conflict. It just keeps us stuck, unable to move forward.

Caprino: Where and how can anyone struggling with recurring conflict begin to identify the unconscious habits that create destructive conflict patterns?

Goldman-Wetzler: To identify your conflict habits, you don’t need to do anything at all. You only need to stop and observe. It can help to take a pause; in other words, a moment to notice whatever is happening inside yourself and in the world around you.

I’ve identified two types of pauses: a proactive pause and a reactive pause. A proactive pause is when you plan to take a few minutes out of your day to stop and reflect, in this case, on your conflict habits. For example, a proactive pause might involve sitting quietly and asking yourself whether you’ve been blaming or avoiding others, blaming yourself, or seeking to collaborate with others.

A reactive pause is when you take a moment to notice what’s happening while it’s happening. You might catch yourself yelling at your kids, stewing in negative self-talk, or making yet another collaborative overture even though others are not responding in kind. It might feel as though you’re watching yourself in slow-motion on a movie screen, or looking down on yourself from above. This may feel good, or it may feel frustrating, as you watch yourself use your habit and get stuck in conflict. But the good news is that observing how you get stuck is the first step to becoming free.

It is helpful to identify your own and others’ conflict habits, and how those form patterns of interaction that keep you stuck. I’ve developed a free assessment you can take online to identify your primary conflict habit.

Caprino: Why isn’t simply walking away from a conflict, or ending a relationship, necessarily the best way to break free from recurring conflict?

Goldman-Wetzler: Sometimes walking away is the way to break free from conflict. Especially for those of us who are habitually collaborative, walking away can help us break free from a tough situation—because it represents doing something different than we’ve done before. It breaks the conflict pattern.

But much more often, the costs of walking away are so high that it seems nearly impossible to do so. For example, imagine the costs of never talking to your mother again, or of disowning your child. Or the costs of firing your best friend. You’re not going to be free from conflict if you’re living with regret, guilt, sadness or pain.

Walking away won’t help if we realize (either consciously or not) that the costs of walking away will cause yet another set of challenges, or we intuitively know that if we don’t develop the courage to deal with this situation now, it will only show up again in another relationship down the line.

Dealing directly with a conflict situation—rather than walking away—often takes a great dose of courage. It takes a willingness to be uncomfortable trying new ways of viewing things and new ways of operating. But when we do, the outcome can be better than we ever anticipated.

For more information, visit Optimal Outcomes.

To build a more conflict-free and rewarding career, join Kathy Caprino in a Career Breakthrough program and join her Amazing Career Project online course.