“Don’t just assume that you know yourself. Ask yourself the questions. Your body is talking to you all the time, and what is this reaction in your body saying? Even if you have to get really detailed about feelings, just give it words.” – Yamel Corcoll-Iglesias 

Years ago after leaving corporate America and becoming a therapist and then a career coach and writer, I began to recognize more deeply than ever that we all live in a relational world that demands effective relational skills. But so often, we are entirely ill-equipped (and untrained) as to how to meet that requirement and we enter into our personal and professional relationships with significant “relational handicaps.” The result is often troubled marriages, ineffective parenting, poor leadership and a cascade of physical and emotional ailments. Today’s Finding Brave guest is here to share her expertise on what she has seen are the top six relational handicaps that damage relationships and bonds. 

Yamel Corcoll-Iglesias is a bilingual licensed marriage and family therapist, addiction specialist, and certified couples’ therapist. She traveled over 5,000 miles from Uruguay, her country of birth, some 35 years ago to follow a dream and a mission to become a therapist. Her first marriage ended quickly and inspired her to understand more deeply the allure of “partnering up” as well as how to recognize the blind spots that lead us into challenging or unsuccessful relationships.

Moving forward through 24 years of marriage and witnessing her now grown children navigating this world, she has found that her interest in exploring how we can live in fuller relational health and integrity has deepened.  Her work and purpose are focused on teaching and training couples, individuals, business leaders and families the necessary skills to live in relational integrity, and to identify the positive legacies they wish to leave behind and new ways to repair damage caused by missteps taken when we are not at our best.

Today, Yamel offers insight on how identifying and then transforming our relational handicaps into respectful, insightful, and accountable actions will set us up to forge healthy and satisfying relationships. That in turn helps us build mutually-fulfilling intimate relationships–the core of our profound existence.

Highlights from this Episode

  • What “relational integrity” means to Yamel and why it should matter to everyone [7:32]
  • The difference between reacting and responding to a particular person or situation, and examples from both Kathy and Yamel’s lives [9:58]
  • How to quickly start developing an awareness of what’s happening [17:26]
  • What can happen when someone lacks full awareness [23:36]
  • A breakdown of the top six relational handicaps [25:06]
  • Tips and strategies for communicating with others who may not be aware of their own relational handicaps [33:10]
  • How to begin being mindfully curious, while listening to your body [38:59]
  • What’s happening when we are avoiding something versus encountering it [42:36]
  • The real reason that people stand up for themselves using aggression [46:56]

For More Information: 

https://www.yamelcouplestherapist.com/ 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/yamelcouplestherapist 

Resources Mentioned: 

Yamel’s 1 or 2-Day Intensives & Program

Her Blog Post, The Top 6 Relational Handicaps That Break Relationships and Bonds

Finding Brave Interview with Terry Real: 4: Gender, Power and Relationships, and the Crushing Effects of Patriarchy, with Terry Real

Finding Brave Interview with Gay Hendricks: 44: How To Live In Your Zone of Genius, with Gay Hendricks

TalkRx: Five Steps to Honest Conversations That Create Connection, Health, and Happiness by Neha Sangwan, M.D.

For more about Kathy’s upcoming book The Most Powerful You: 7 Bravery-Boosting Paths To Career Bliss, sign up for her weekly newsletter at https://kathycaprino.com for updates, free giveaways, contests, and more, coming in Spring 2020

QUOTES:

“We do forget, in moments of distress and stress, how to act with relational integrity.” [7:13]

“People do have the answers, if they tolerate to stay in the moment a little bit longer with their feelings.” [21:27]

“Anger is usually very much of a response when we don’t want to feel what we’re feeling.” [23:12]

“Self-awareness is crucial, because when we don’t know, there’s nothing that we change.” [25:51]

“I had to recognize that we really have absolutely no control over what other people do.” [35:08]

“People will go to lengths to avoid dealing with something that they consider or perceive to be difficult or impossible for them to deal with.” [42:41]

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