Our inspiring podcast guest today, Scott Tillema, is an award-winning keynote speaker and negotiation expert who helps leaders navigate difficult conversations with confidence, influence, and trust. Drawing on more than 20 years in law enforcement, including his work as an FBI-trained hostage negotiator and a business negotiator trained through the Harvard University Program on Negotiation, Scott brings rare, real-world insight into what it takes to lead effectively in high-stakes moments. His work focuses on showing leaders how to connect first, influence second, and create outcomes that move people and businesses forward.
In this episode, Scott unpacks the psychology behind negotiation and human connection through four key factors: understanding, timing, delivery, and respect. He shares how his early life, career in law enforcement, and deep study of human behavior shaped his approach, why judgment blocks connection, and how problem-solving can sometimes stand in the way of true empathy.
We also explore what bad leadership can teach us, why influence is a learnable skill, and why we should never forget that connection is at the very heart of influence. Join us for an eye-opening conversation about how to harness the influence you may not even know you have to change the world for the better.
Key Highlights From This Episode:
- Scott’s beginnings in hostage negotiations from studying psychology and working in law enforcement. [04:45]
- How his childhood and early adult experiences shaped his curiosity about what drives people. [06:53]
- How judgment acts as a barrier to connection and ultimately negotiation. [11:20]
- Four factors of negotiation: understanding, timing, delivery, and respect. [17:03]
- Why it is truly possible for anyone to become a strong verbal influencer. [21:32]
- What we can learn from bad leadership and the mistakes they make along the way. [26:12]
- Why problem-solving creates a barrier to true empathy. [31:02]
- A final word of encouragement about the influence you might not know you have. [44:55]
For More Information:
Scott Tillema
Scott Tillema on Instagram
Scott Tillema on LinkedIn
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Scott Tillema’s TEDx Talk
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
Alison Fragale’s episode on Finding Brave
Alison Fragale’s book, Likeable Badass
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Quotes:
“Crisis isn’t reserved for the SWAT team. We’re all experiencing this in our teams, in our organizations, in our families. So these techniques and structures that I’ve learned in these life or death conversations are so needed and so interesting to people outside of the law enforcement lane.” — Scott Tillema [0:06:03]
“Influence begins with connection and connection begins with a dialogue, and the block to dialogue and the block to connection is judgment.” — Scott Tillema [0:11:25]
“So often we think about what we’re going to say, and if we’re really elite we think about how we’re going to say it, but rarely does anybody give consideration to the right time to deliver the message.” — Scott Tillema [0:17:50]
“We all have the power to be incredible verbal influencers.” — Scott Tillema [0:22:51]
“The enemy of empathy is problem-solving.” — Scott Tillema [0:32:16]
“Leadership is going to take courage.” — Scott Tillema [0:35:42]
“Crisis isn’t reserved for the SWAT team. We’re all experiencing this in our teams, in our organizations, in our families. So these techniques and structures that I’ve learned in these life or death conversations are so needed and so interesting to people outside of the law enforcement lane.” — Scott Tillema [0:06:03]
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