Conflict is a part of life, whether it’s in our relationships, workplaces, or even global politics, yet many of us either shy away from it or escalate it, leading to stress, resentment, and division. Today on Finding Brave, behavioral neurologist Dr. Joel Salinas joins us to discuss how we can navigate disagreement with confidence and resilience—and even turn it into a powerful tool for building stronger connections.
Dr. Salinas is a Clinical Associate Professor of Neurology at NYU Grossman School of Medicine and the co-author with Robert C. Bordone, of Conflict Resilience: Negotiating Disagreement Without Giving Up or Giving In. In this fascinating book, Joel and Robert blend advanced conflict management strategies with cutting-edge neuroscience to introduce a simple yet powerful three-step framework for navigating everyday conflict.
In this episode, Dr. Salinas reveals how conflict resilience rather than resolution can transform the way we engage with disagreement. He also explores the impact of social isolation, our fear of discomfort, and how avoiding conflict can ultimately weaken both personal and professional relationships, all while offering practical tools to navigate tough conversations with confidence, clarity, and compassion.
Whether you struggle with difficult conversations or simply want to strengthen your relationships and your communication approach, this episode is filled with valuable insights to help you approach conflict with clarity, confidence, and bravery. Tune in now to start transforming the way you engage with disagreement.
Key Highlights From This Episode:
- Understanding the surprising link between connection and conflict. [04:42]
- How social isolation and polarization contribute to conflict avoidance. [09:14]
- Reasons that we often see the other person as “the problem” in a conflict. [12:47]
- Finding a balance between setting boundaries and engaging in difficult conversations.[15:10]
- Insight into the three key tenets of deep listening. [18:18]
- An example that illustrates how to navigate everyday conflict with resilience. [22:56]
- How to phrase questions in a way that invites productive conversation. [26:04]
- The uncertainty of conflict outcomes (and why that shouldn’t stop us). [28:16]
- Practical strategies to help you rewire your brain to handle conflict better. [31:02]
- Unpacking the benefits of conflict resilience and how you can start practicing today. [38:12]
For More Information:
Conflict Resilience: Negotiating Disagreement Without Giving Up or Giving In
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Read Joel’s book, Mirror Touch: A Memoir of Synesthesia and the Secret Life of the Brain
Learn more about the co-author of Conflict Resilience, Bob Bordone
Watch examples of navigating crises in the Netflix show Madam Secretary
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QUOTES:
“You can’t have an authentic relationship with somebody unless you’re coming across and sorting through the differences we have. It’s impossible to have one-to-one the exact same desires, interests, and contexts.” — @JoelSalinasMD [0:07:26]
“When we’re in a conflict situation, – it’s very common that our first reaction is to see the other person as the problem. We want to take a stance that’s more about agency and empowerment, starting with what you have control over: – your own relationship with conflict.” — @JoelSalinasMD [0:14:24]
“A generous question begets a generous response – [Make] sure you’re asking questions with the intent of understanding, not questions to harm the other person, put them down, or be overly defensive.” — @JoelSalinasMD [0:22:18]
“Our brains evolved to be fortune-telling machines. It takes all our past experiences and memories to make predictions – and uses those predictions to make choices and take action – to help us survive and avoid danger. Out in the Savannah, that could have been helpful, – but it can be tricky when your brain is telling you interacting with somebody across lines of difference is a threat.” — @JoelSalinasMD [0:29:22]
“It can be helpful to find the [bigger, better offer (BBO)]: what is the consequence or risk of me not engaging in this [difficult] conversation?” — @JoelSalinasMD [0:41:35]
“Part of building this mindset and skill set is a process of reprogramming and rewiring your brain.” — @JoelSalinasMD [0:44:18]
“Our brains evolved to be fortune-telling machines. It takes all our past experiences and memories to make predictions – and uses those predictions to make choices and take action – to help us survive and avoid danger. Out in the Savannah, that could have been helpful, – but it can be tricky when your brain is telling you interacting with somebody across lines of difference is a threat.” — @JoelSalinasMD [0:29:22]
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