If you could never work in your chosen career again, would you be relieved, or would you be disappointed? Dr. Tessa West is a Professor of Psychology at New York University, a leading expert on the science of social relationships, and a researcher focusing on how to improve communication between employees, bosses, and hiring professionals. She regularly contributes to the The Wall Street Journal among other noted publications. She is the author of two books, Jerks at Work which she talked about on her first visit to Finding Brave , and most recently, Job Therapy: Finding Work That Works for You which focuses on finding out and understanding the psychological source of your unhappiness at work and then taking a series of carefully orchestrated steps to find a career with long-term staying power.
During this rich conversation, Tessa shares key insights from Job Therapy. To kick off our discussion, we explore what it might look like to reframe your career by thinking of it as you would a romantic relationship or partnership. She shares how feeling that she was being a jerk to her coworkers sparked the concept of her first book before unpacking the five forms of job dissatisfaction and their true roots. We discuss the importance of understanding that we only see the surface of the lives of others (and make many erroneous judgments about what other people have that we don’t) and why identifying your own core transferrable skills is a superpower. In closing, she shares a powerful tip on truly getting to know yourself in meaningful and productive ways.
Tessa’s grounded perspective in research paired with acute self-awareness makes for deeply insightful listening and learning.
Key Highlights From This Episode:
- Reframing your career as a relationship to understand the complexity and journey of it. [05:34]
- How being a jerk to her coworkers sparked the concept for her book, Jerks at Work. [11:01]
- Three of the five most common forms of dissatisfaction and their source. [13:54]
- How a theory behind a happy marriage mirrors what it might look like to have a good career. [24:27]
- The importance of realizing that we are not aware of the day-to-day of other people’s lives. [27:40]
- Why a Crisis of Identity is the most common category that people fall into. [29:41]
- Identifying the core skills that can be transferred from one career to another. [33:30]
- What is really necessary to know yourself: try to be a scientific observer of your own experiences. [41:46]
For More Information:
Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:
Eli Finkel’s book: The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work
Tessa’s latest book: Job Therapy: Finding Work That Works for You
Tessa’s first book: Jerks at Work
Tessa’s first visit to the show: Episode 240
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Quotes:
“This approach to thinking about your relationship with your career and reframing [it] like a partner came out of teaching relationships at NYU.” — @TessaWestNYU [0:05:36]
“Are we actually trying too hard to find purpose? Should we maybe lower the bar a bit? Do we need to be so identified with our careers?” — @TessaWestNYU [0:18:27]
“Your goal posts change all the time. Write down what you think would make you feel like you’ve made it today and by tomorrow that answer’s going to be different.” — @TessaWestNYU [0:22:53]
“Often, we’re so high level with purpose that we aren’t focusing on the right things.” — @TessaWestNYU [0:27:56]
“Do you still feel like your old career defines who you are, and ask yourself, ‘How would you feel if you could never do this again?” — @TessaWestNYU [0:30:59]
“Try to be a scientific observer of your own experiences. I certainly didn’t see certain things about myself until I started collecting real data and graphing it out and looking for patterns.” — @TessaWestNYU [0:42:04]
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