“Unless you have consciously addressed it, you’re probably reliving many patterns from childhood that you actually aren’t aware of and wouldn’t choose.”- Kathy Caprino
In January 2014, I had the opportunity to talk with leadership expert Dr. Tim Elmore and learn more about how we as parents are failing our children today — coddling and crippling them — and keeping them from becoming leaders they are destined to be. The resulting Forbes article went viral, with 7.8 million views to date, and from this, it’s clear parenting today is an issue that warrants more discussion and more research-based guidance.
Today’s episode of Finding Brave offers my personal take on the question of how we parent our children so they grow up healthy, self-confident and self-reliant, and very able to lead their life from their own values, ideas and beliefs. I share my own personal experiences as a parent, marriage and family therapist and someone who coaches thousands of mid-life professionals through limiting and negative beliefs, mindsets and behaviors that, sadly, they acquired through their childhoods that have damaged them.
You’ll hear how when it comes to parenting, everything we do for our children starts with us. I’m not judging here, as I’ve made every single one of these mistakes I’m talking about here, but the key is becoming more aware of the ways we are tripping up our children and getting in the way of their growing up successfully.
If what I talk about today resonates with you, please comment below and feel free to connect with me on Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn or Facebook. I’d love to hear about the topics that you’re struggling with, whether it be personally or professionally, so that I can discuss them on a future episode of the podcast.
Highlights from this Episode:
- What I feel is an unequivocally bad way to approach parenting [9:01]
- The unintended consequences of not allowing our children to risk, and how I addressed risk with my own children as they were growing up [10:15]
- Why doing everything for our children is not effectively assisting them [13:57]
- An experience that I had that taught me the importance of being realistic regarding the abilities of my children [15:41]
- What happens when we let guilt get into the way of leading and parenting well [18:39]
- How I’ve worked on my own insufficient boundaries and why this was necessary for a happy, successful life [19:35]
- What we shouldn’t do when rewarding our kids [21:07]
- How open we should be when sharing about our own experiences growing up [22:03]
- Why intelligence isn’t a true measurement of maturity [24:56]
- The reasons I recommend people talk to a marriage and family therapist [30:31]
- My specific recommended strategies for moving forward to healthier parenting [31:16]
For hands-on help from Kathy:
Also of interest:
Kathy’s Forbes Article with Dr. Tim Elmore, 7 Crippling Parenting Behaviors That Keep Children From Growing Into Leaders
“If we’re going to talk about parenting, everything we do for our children starts with us.” [3:18]
“How many of us are doing the things that we read about, that we know are wrong?” [2:47]
“Everything we’re doing to our children, and everything that has been done to adults as children, is absolutely self-evident in their work, in their life and in their relationships.” [9:44]
“It’s a tough world right now, much more so than 20, 30 or 50 years ago in terms of our access to the negativity.” [10:48]
“The reality is your kid doesn’t have to love and be thrilled with you every minute. In fact, if that’s what you’re going for, you’re damaging them.” [19:05]
“It’s our responsibility as parents to model the life that we hope our children want to live, or model the life we want them to live.” [26:36]